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Pheif had her chemo on December 18 and it went well although her appetite was very low for eating on her own. I supplemented her and noticed that she was getting more and more tired and would sleep soundly at times. I had written a report to her Dr. for her December 18 visit and subsequently spoke with her that afternoon and she agreed with me that Pheif had lost weight and body mass and that she would set up an Ultra Sound for her the following week just to settle my nerves. The Dr's. report on Pheif on Dec. 18 was still a very good one and she could not detect anything going on with her during examination. I spent a lot of time with Pheifer at home. She was quiet and at peace with herself. She didn't like me feeding her though. On the way to the hospital on December 23 for her Ultra Sound, again she was very quiet, and tired but peaceful. She purred and purred loudly at times. We left her for her U/S and I called to find out how she's doing at 1:20 p.m. and the Dr. spoke with me. My worst fears were true. Pheif's cancer had come back as her lymph nodes were now no longer in the grey zone, they were abnormal. This happened in the span of 6 weeks since her last Ultra Sound. Her Dr. suggested a chemo therary drug that was used on Pheifer at the start of her chemo therapy as an option; she suggested giving her a blast shot of another drug to see if it would kick start her appetite and put her cancer in remission for a shorter period this time around as another option. The third option was obvious.
We had discussions with Dr. Ford, her Oncologist; with Dr. Richards, her Veternarian; my sister, and ourselves. Somehow I knew deep down in my heart in the last 3 days at home that Pheifer was very, very sick. She was also getting weaker in her back legs although she would still jump on the bed and do laps, and run away from me down the hallway when I tried to give her her meds and food!! She was still her normal self .. wanting to get brushed in the mornings and asking to go downstairs. I constantly reminded myself, and Bill and I reminded ourselves and the Drs., of our promise to little Pheif which was to make the rest of her life at home to be as active as possible, for her to be as happy as possible, and have all of her bits and parts working. I asked for guidance within the 3 days of her getting more and more tired on me at home and I found my peace in her. So, after many phone calls and many discussions and with the support of my Family and her Drs. we visited with her privately. I held her in my arms and she purred and purred. She calmed down from being in overdrive when she saw us and still purring, she put her little head on my right shoulder so she could see her Dad. We asked for her to be sedated and Dr. Ford used a drug which Pheif was accustomed to and then we sent her on to Tucker C, her Mom, to take good care of her.
These days following I have figured out for myself that it is not the relationship I have had with her or with her Mom and sisters; it is their relationship with me. I cannot expect Mickey and Doppler to have the same relationship with me as Pheifer did. They too have their own unique personalities. This makes it tougher on me some days because I miss her so much. I titled these stories "Me and My Shadow" for a reason. My Shadow is physically gone. Both of us feel her loss in so many ways. She's spent many hours fast asleep next to Bill while she recuperated or just snuggled. She got pretty close to him too. Pheifer has always lived in my head and now I carry her around in my heart. I still sing the little songs I had made up for her over the years. As I sang I would turn my head one way to look at her and she'd turn her head the other way to look at me. She was indeed a very unique and special little girl. She was evenly balanced in her temperment; a little temper, a little attitude, a little stubbornness, very inquisitive, and very loving. We have had such a wonderful relationship filled with bunches of love that flowed freely. I swear that little girl could read my mind sometimes. She always loved the outdoors and flowers and fresh air. She would eat anything green that was in the house afterwhich she spat it up, hence no flowers or plants are in the house. I have reminded her many many times no matter where she goes to always remember her garden and to come visit. And she did . and I will update this site in January. Thanks again to our Friends and Family for all of your support. Pheifer appreciated it too!! Pheifer enjoyed over eight months in remission and lived every cancer free day to the fullest!
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